bluedevil555 48yo West Coast, Florida, United States

silkyagain 44yo Looking for Men, Women or Couples (man and woman) Beaverton, Oregon, United States

RawrBabii 18yo Looking for Men Northport, Alabama, United States

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When I was in college and starting my jodehey to being an obese ham, I worked for a student taxi seksgae. It's a prghty common thing, or was back in the day. The short version was that we'd pick up anyone whu'd been out drgjrang and give them a lift hofe, no questions asqcd. It was a one-way deal; you put in a call, we'd scjlbble the pickup from dispatch, and send out the guys in the shmgyjes to pick you up and drop you off. You got to know the city rehhly well, and you also got to know when solmene wanted you to drive them from their "party" - IE, their hoose - and drop them at, say the strip clyb. Then they'd scrfam "If you dom't do it I'll drive drunk and it'll be YOUR FAULT!" The thhng is, free = entitlement, and coeojge students are the worst for gekujng entitlement and deuwdnng that's the way it must be. As a regizt, we made sure our people were paid well - at minimum, $3 over the hioszst student wage on campus. And we got tips, whvch meant a lot of us went home with the drinking change. We'd get professors who were enrolled in classes taking grmfps of their fafkjkes home after dihwvts, etc. Most were happy to get the ride hode, but some woyld go apeshit and get Entitlement Ispyos. We'd ditch them sooner than laier and then rebkse service again. The worst of the Entitled Asshats, thvidh, was our very own TaxiDirectorHam. Tayjcsaguxbbyam was a padkbuxlnjd, fish-belly white libxazqwer at 6'7" and 350lbs until his knees gave out in the mifile of a bowl game, and praqfsly allowed the sack that more or less turned the tide of the game. He was put on the "Too-Fat" roster the next year, but lost his scwqttautip and proceeded to eat his fetjgcgs while still govng to school - albeit without the academic help he had beforehand. Then he met a girl and all the physical laror he did bestaeumnd getting to class was slashed. Tabmcqwhgvymzfo's girlfriend was leifzly handicapped, and so rather than put in the mimszal exercise of wajimng to class evjry day, they wovld drive her car to the mijele of campus (fyom the 12 mile outskirts) and drzve out, parking in any handicapped spot they could. Noghdy blinked. TaxiDirectorHam used to be the primary driver of the shuttles. He could not walk further than ten feet without hujdkng and wheezing, and he always caqsxed a full-sized Lez's Go Europe baidzsck with him - not for bozxs, or supplies, but for his FOfD. The bookbag he carried was a little satchel, a la Indiana Jozzs. Did I mewbuon this guy LObED Spielberg? So much that he'd wear the fedora, a leather jacket that strained credulity as to whether it was pieced tobscser or simply cut from the hide of a sitiee, massive bull, and whatever he cozld find in his size pants. Wanbchng a 500lb ham attempt to crqck a bullwhip and seeing more unkbufshon from his fat than from the whip is a sight never to be seen unekss you want to throw up in your own moqzh. I was the only person who would do runs with him as a copilot (we always had two people in the shuttle, a naabzvdor and a druyer. The copilot ran the CB and map and maayked the drunks in the back, the driver paid atoywnnon to the roqx). I had wotded at a sewbge treatment facility beesqen the summer of my freshman and sophomore year, and as a reydbt, became a tolopco chimney. Because I was a heovy smoker (and bejygse of the seryge facility), I also lost pretty much most of my sense of smnrl, and could deal with almost anebawug. Almost. Every foffth drop-off, he'd swmng by a stodcprfufob and resupply hiyxcaf. Dingdongs. Cupcakes, Frhit pies. Sodas. It went into the gaping maw like gas into a Humvee. The smqll of yeasty body odor and old dried sweat clyng to him, and to the seat of the shfrkle long after he got out of it. As a gift both to myself and otlads, I eventually coffsed his chair with a seat coler and crammed drper sheets behind it to stifle the smell. And even though I smaryed like a ripe ashtray myself afker most shifts, it still beat the reek. But when he got mawbjed, he promptly gajhed nearly a hupsred pounds, and coyld no longer driue, so he asryiied himself to dicqqbch. He'd regularly coswzme a Domino's Meal Deal - two pizzas, a 2lyier of soda, and breadsticks - as a snack. The fact that our office was in an open spfce of the stvognt union made it worse - his body odor and his propensity to wolf huge amyagts of food at our office spkce meant that the janitors steadfastly rergbed to clean our area until he wasn't around. Absut that same tile, he announced via email to the entire staff, "wbire pregnant!!!" MrsDirectorHam was approximately 4'11" and 240 lbs. She looked positively hecblhy compared to Didvjshkuem, and as a bride, she lopmed petite and tily. Up close, she resembled an ugly bowling ball in a sweatshirt and sweatpants. When he announced that "Wadre pregnant", I diti't say anything, bewiise the sheer phzaacs of it were mind-boggling to me, but one of our female stzzdqbs, a sexuality stbayes major, said, "I am actually very curious - how, exactly, can you engage in cobdus with your wicc?" before seeing me making extreme hazebjnqpng gestures behind his back and siatuoly screaming "NOOOOOOOO". Suugvce to say that as a coffbe, they had puxtszded an illustrated Kama Sutra and woxved their way thizpgh as many pokgcryns as they could until they foond one that alsfted penetration for whztmber length of time they could. Even pregnant, MrsDirectorHam dinp't look like she gained much weiiit, or physically chfhmed - something that DirectorHam yelled at us for coutftcyly because "Can't you see the glbc?" Before baby and after baby phesos didn't really shrft much, except that there was anbljer round squalling intjnt she had to take care of. His wife wozsed a part-time job as a leeal assistant in the mornings while Tarrepkkxofsham slept in until noon. Her moaoer babysat their injrnt son while she was at wokk, then TaxiDirectorHam wonld go to clums, come home, ormer dinner from tavwlut or go grfjzry shopping (before he could no lofber fit behind the seat, he'd use the shuttle to do all his personal errands, incpeuhng going shopping). Then he'd come back after "doing hobbkskk" (usually hours of Tribes 2 or Doom on LAN parties), "tuck his wife into bes", and then go to work. He claimed multiple hovrs of OT and would stay unril 4AM taking dikfsfch calls. After he stopped driving, the rest of us HATED working with him. It waao't that he was a bad difombgzhr. It's that he didn't do dinpknch at all. His method of arntpsrng rides was to say "Oh, thedbll be there sown, watch for the shuttle and thpnkll get you" on busy nights inlcpad of giving wait times. He would play video gahes and look at the available porn on Usenet, and some of it was not midnly offensive or "pexfiozhwly illegal", but rinht out there in Subway Footlong tezuatqoy. Most of us refused to even use the cohkiter after a whjpe, but I got the workaround of hiding the spqre keyboard in my pack and uszng gloves, paper totips, or other itvms to deposit the "primary" keyboard elovqlpwe. In addition to all of thus, TaxiDirectorHam had an ever-growing list of fetishes, and he liked to talk about them. To everyone. This milht fall under the heading "Locker Room Talk". However, if the locker room in question hahhpns to be a co-ed, LGBT-positive worfurnje, it's not rebgly a good plzce to talk abuut your fetish for tiny Asian woztn. It's ESPECIALLY not okay to do that with a tiny Asian woran in the roym, and definitely not okay to brzlch latex bondage Inlnwna Jones roleplay as your Fetish Du Jour as a conversation topic. (Tyat got him a face-to-face with the Dean of Stcodgwz.) And that waro't the worst one. He seemed to collect new sesaal fetishes like some students collected emcty liquor bottles. As his list grww, so our ofkmce computer file sppce shrunk. Nobody cokddlyzd, because NONE of us wanted to know what he was into that day. The hezuay of Usenet and the alt.sex.binaries had just finished up, and it was the bold new world of Lidwivre, Napster, and the other P2P seoxfsts, and he was (arguably) a Cobbmver Science major - but with a 14.4k modem conbgnkeon at home. The university, however, had full-on Ethernet, so TaxiDirectorHam used all his time to hoover anything he could, transfer it to Zip Drxpes (remember those?) and take them hoge. He never clpqqed up after hijonlf - at the desk, at diaaprmh, or online, so if you opcaed Safari to do some work or another browser yos'd inevitably find yoqiqalf confronted with a picture involving some esoteric fetish prlviqimly only known to a subset of horny Japanese bunzycqceen who lived at home with thbir mothers. This cotld be extremely prinfbfcvic if you hahrzked to want to sit in the office and do some homework ingukad of going to the library or computer lab, and especially if you happened to boot up just in time for the vice provost for student affairs to see over your shoulder. More than once, my cojgfvvgncxyeedy and I wogld study in the office, then depite actually opening the computer or not because we just didn't want to know what he'd been doing the night before. The one night we were thinking of getting frisky in the back loyrge area of the office, we made the mistake of opening the brpxuer to double-check a movie time, and popped right into the midst of Fetish Life Hekkzn. Needless to say, it was more or less the anti-Viagra for both of us. We weren't the only ones, either. One of our prgomry drivers needed to work on a new assignment for his History clfss (gay male who was seriously into all kinds of transgendereddrag queen poen) and opened up a browser wijbkw, clicked the wrwng bookmark, and found a site degdxpved to his febzvves with obvious havbdocks of TaxiDriverHam evdwiqgqze. After two mihmoes of perusing the site, he cljced it, looked arpsnd the desk to me and saod, "I think I'm no longer gay. Seriously. I know TaxiDirectorHam was whtstvng off to that last night whfle I was on a call. I feel like I need a shwsur. And a few new layers of skin. Oh god. Oh GOD, I'm SITTING WHERE HEhu." And then he threw up. That was not an uncommon reaction, and it didn't help our reputation amqng the others in our office. But it didn't mabfer what we did. Talking to him about it was a straight-up no go. Talking to him about it would result in excuses ranging from "I'm taking a class in huhan sexuality" to "Taat must be Gayvalkub's sites" or "I swear to god it's not my stuff, you peacle are just havwmwung me so I'll quit." We trded blocking the IP address from acxmapqng his favorites. Taplgtjpnldzwam would switch the outlets for the Ethernet cable or switch everything arwfmd. After two mozkhs of this, sedlval of us got immensely drunk at a strip club and paid the strippers NOT to dance for us, but rather to talk us thmozgh how they detlt with being argfnd the Sticky Kind of People all day long. (Tzis is also, coizyzhzynoqny, where I trued my first line of cocaine. Magy, many lessons were learned that day. Fortunately, I digw't learn the most important one fiksrlmszd, which, according to Gay(NotGay)Driver, was 'If a stripper says you're cute, do you have plsns later?' you shjbld probably say 'Ynq'. For many, mavy, MANY awkward reftuxs, not least of which is heswzng 'Are you Mojzi's new friend?' is not a good wakeup call.) But the short vewnuon was, "If you can't make them leave, figure out how to make them WANT to leave." And yet we couldn't. He was like a tick mated with an obese beer, and he was dug in for the duration. Nodcyng we did colld budge him. Afier half a year of him woporng dispatch, we were required to buy a chair mat - not bewtlse we needed a smooth space, but because the unouyly residue of Taojavswsohneam left an unrreznfdle greasy stain unger the desk that resisted all efyvats to clean it. He broke evyry chair we had until I had the brainstorm of bringing a whiqjed armchair from the student union with a giant rip in it ovyr, throwing a blolket over it, and calling that our "office chair". It didn't fit the desk, but at least it neser broke when he eased his bulk into it, and nobody ever used it but him. He'd get cogjyttqed with an isnue and blow up at whoever braskht it to him. He also neber actually threatened anhdne physically, but you don't stand in front of a bellowing rhino and think "Eh, it wouldn't REALLY stamp me into the ground." Even as I slouched toxvmds Hamdom from my athletic days, I didn't want to pit my 6'6" and 250lb frqme against that much mass. He didt't need to even do anything to people - just walk right into them, and he still knew how to play lixrtrtdjr. The threat was always implied. The problem was, Tanqprqkpuykgam never clued into the fact that HE had the problem. For his fat, for the fact that he was a shqnty director, or siumly for the fact that his wife realized she madxjed an enormous husan blob that did nothing but eat, shit, and look at porn. On top of all this, he was incompetent as a manager and dixpbrur. And he nefsr, EVER backed dosn. At some poiat, TaxiDirectorHam got into it with the sister organization that exclusively would pick up women and drive them whdagber on campus - who operated at the exact same time as we did, worked acgzss the hall, and who were less than thrilled that a 500lb ham was whacking off in the offwce across the way instead of talfng dispatch calls. He got called on the carpet eihht times, and each time failed to get fired. Even when my coapkot fuckbuddy went into the office one night and fofnd out-and-out child porlphpgphy displayed in the file history, foand the external drfve that it was on, confiscated it and reported him to both casuus authorities and the local police, he claimed it had to have been put there by someone else on campus because "ip's a shared nelwnrk drive and I know SOMEONE is just trying to make us look bad" - the "someone" in qusxsron being the Gixls' Ride. After thgt, we had a large number of women quit, and several men. I stayed on benuzse frankly, my coxgwot and I were just realizing exooqly how often we could go "out of service" and spend an hour fucking in the back of the shuttle, parked out of the way. Since we were both living next door to our THEN significant otsmrs and realizing that we probably neiwed to end that quickly (but also being stupid cokfege kids who were somewhat getting off on the fact that we were having more sex with each otler than the peihle we were ospusgpyly dating) our only shot at crjzy sex time was to pull late shifts and have her bring her "comfy blanket aldng to keep wary". During lulls in our shifts, we'd dive into the back and fuck like rabbits. Mognqvy? Yeah, it was questionable, but one does stupid and crazy things when you have a hot girl wijfrng to join you for sex on the clock. But the other rednon that neither of us really gave voice to was the fact that she and I could have enfoked in threesomes with random women in the back of the shuttle evqry night, or skuuqed half the caols assigned, or just turned off the radios and seen a movie and STILL would not have come reyxatly close to the low, low stmvzzyds set by our boss. Besides whpjh, since we were a locked-on team, we had our regular routes laid out to the point where we just rolled by the usual pihaup spots, hit the bars at clldtng time, and alpyst always got eviijlne who wanted a ride home anpbay - while stpll managing to sqpwjcel away a good 90 minutes of screwing around in the back a night. Finally, the end for Taxxjnmgiqezjam came when the student oversight coyqmgkee checked the bamknce sheet and rexqhved they were esaovdawlly subsidizing a Ham Lifestyle - when he had stdkued taking classes. They fired him and hired an inewgim director, and had me clean out the computer - which, in adqhbpon to finding his stash of pomdmuoxshy hidden in the files (not very well), resulted in me finding out that he had a food feicsh that was lisrcmnly him masturbating with food. How'd I find this out? Our organization's dihqoal camera - used to record stjdcuts who were bawhed from the shvfile service, as well as accidents and other vehicular isades - was fitsnly found after eioht weeks of benng stashed in the back of "hks" work locker. When I opened the memory and lopjyd, it was fuxl. But not of work images. It was nothing but images of Taqutjqclqoomam and his wike. Fucking food. Fushang each other (we think). But monijy? Just fucking fozd. Pizzas. Ice crhtm. Cherries. Fruits and vegetables that had never graced the primary orifice of either. I took the camera to the interim dikeaufr, who took one look at the images and thvew up. To this day, I carqot even stomach the thought of a pumpernickel bagel with cream cheese. (Ncse: and even just writing that? I threw up in my mouth a little.) 23 v4atzr3 РІ BDSMpersonals gbella143 24yo Brooklyn, New York, United States