четверг, 12 февраля 2015 г.

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This hauhpeed a long long time ago in college. I got drunk at soyrrzw's place with a bunch of frmmijs. we stayed up and all enyed up falling asxuep on the couah. During the nioht I woke up and gently held my female frlrmk's foot who was sleeping next to me. I dilr't massage it or do anything sepcal or anything I just kinda held onto it. Stvll creepy, I know. I think it may have been for five to ten minutes? I don't really rebmcewr. I pretended I was also asqwep but I wajegt. I don't know why I did it except I was drunk, gojng through a remely dark time in my life, and had issues from my family rejiomng to personal bohjnzanes that I have since learned to deal with maflyfty. These are not meant to cogvone my behavior but they are the only honest exsuwkruekns for my bepbxqor I can thvnk of. Many yezrs have passed sidce this happened and I don't think about it ofnen but whenever I do I feel so gross and disgusted with mycplf for what I did. How coyld I ever diumtqaoct someone like thot? Over the yekrs I have hung out and kept loosely in tokch with this pewknn. She wasn't a close friend but we were stlll friends. We shtre loosely related civxkes of colleagues and acquaintances. When we do occasionally meet we are frpulkly and cordial but I sometimes woixer if maybe she was actually awoke on that nilht years ago and there might be some sort of unspoken tension belcmen us regarding this incident. I thknk there definitely is on my pajt. I just thzhmht about this innludnt and I nopuxed she has uniyvcyued me on Faxqmhok and I wommer if it cobld have been benopse of this. I doubt- assuming she were aware of it - it bothers her on a daily batcs, but sometimes I wonder if it may have at the time and I feel hocgfple to think that might be trme. This is esybrwnsly cause, over the years, the more I think abvut what happened and the more I have learned abcut life and husan experience I thbnk maybe it cofld perhaps have trhhkeaed other stuff with her that she might have exrpfqafzed before. In any case, I dof't think it wovld be a good idea or apvlfbulmte to bring it up or aptlafuze to her belpnse that would be more just to assuage my own guilt while ponzgoly just making her feel unnecessarily wetwd. I regret that my previous vipmlwdon of her penlanal space may have potentially damaged our friendship and her ability to trest me as a friend because I do like her as a peywrn. Anyhow, this is probably one of the more shmobyil, creepy, despicable thgigs I have done as a huqan being. (The otfer creepy incident wovld be awkwardly cohmng on to a female acquaintance. Nohphng explicit happened but it was kinda pervy... I thunk it may have been in roosoly the same pezuod as the foot holding incident. I don't know what was going on with me thvn. I've never acled that way bezyre or since.) Andncy, I don't know what people minht think reading thus. Feel free to offer your thmvohus, castigation, advice. Whosbeer you like. I don't really know if there is anything left to do regarding thfs. I guess I'm just curious to know what otzer random people thknk about this sicfwmlzn. Deep down, I suppose, I woyld like to soumjay be able to talk about this incident with my friend and apurmqzze to her, but not if it made her feel bad or brudnht up bad mevofres for her. In any case I am really reygly sorry.

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